A Christ-madan-zaa-nukkah wish list for all writers addressed to the elves or Corgis or algorithms that take the place of Santa at Medium’s Corporate Headquarters.

’Tis the season to be grumpy if you have to waste time on these poorly-designed Medium functions instead of doing your real purpose in life — writing the “content” that helps their site generate revenue.

Smiley Face Emoji GIF by Mac DeMarco. Source: Gify

Seriously, shouldn’t I at least expect a lump of coal instead of endless “not able to review this story for distribution in topics due to high volume” notices?

If Santa’s main Ev reads this list, isn’t it reasonable to receive a gift rejection message like this:

My dear little (gift claimant #3,948,209,137),

It has come to our attention that you have been very [N̶i̶c̶e Naughty] in the past year. For that reason, your gift request for world peace has been rejected and you shall still receive nothing. We know what you’re trying to do here by wishing something good for other people to rehabilitate your list status. Trust us, we’re a lot smarter that those companies that maintain consumer credit scores. Those things can be gamed. If they weren’t, how could I be dictating this response to a beautiful hula-dancing native on my private tropical isle that shall remain nameless?

You’ve been trying to game the system since my fallen angels of content generation lifted the curtain on this whole enterprise and given you the false impression that you are some kind of Upton Sinclair-like muck…