David, thanks for sharing these gems. I think my request to use your quote in the book can go one of two ways:
Scenario 1: Seeing a response so full of great lines to “May I quote you on that,” I immediately arranged to meet the great David Graham at his favorite neighborhood donut shop in Culver City and drove feverishly — or as feverishly as possible through L.A. rush hour traffic — to met him at the humble, yet solid Donut King (4 1/2 stars) in the hopes of getting him to join our collaborative book “The Tao of Blogging.”
Taking no chances with this sophisticated world traveler, I brought a briefcase filled with the good stuff —biscotti, cannolis, and tortas — to win his favor, but to no effect. However, when his eyes lit up at the bear claw on display behind the glass, I knew we had a deal. In between bites, he asked “so what kind of royalties can I expect from this book?”
“Well, we’re on a tight budget, but I can throw you a few crumbs.” Pointing at the remnants on his plate, I added “and there they are.”
Mr. Graham’s personal assistant, a large man — who, for unexplained reasons, was wearing a trench coat and a fedora on a warm spring day — proceeded to throw me out on the street.
Scenario 2: Seeing a response so full of great lines to “May I quote you on that,” I published the book, featuring the quote “In the future the leading cause of death will be irony.” On a warm spring day, without a cloud in the sky, I was contacted by Mr. Graham’s “lawyer,” a trench-coat-clad man wearing a fedora and carrying a violin case.