Heidi, you’re so right about this. Believe it or not, there was a time when people didn’t define their lives by internet driven data collection. We had cherished record albums instead of curated digital play lists we could listen to on multiple devices. We went to the deli and got something off the menu instead of ordering gluten-free, vegan soy burgers to be delivered to our doorstep. There were only three or four channels of TV, so we watched something as a family (and often times as a nation) instead of cocooning up to binge all weekend on the latest Netflix exclusive.

And when it came to relationships, we weren’t looking for “the one” so much as just a chance to meet “one,” and then see where things went.

There was no such thing as custom editing on dating site search engine criteria, digital stalking of Facebook profiles and twitter feeds, or worse, mindlessly swiping left and right on a picture based hookup app.

The closest thing we had to a search engine was the neighborhood yenta trying to set you up with a nice girl, or a friend of a friend introducing you to that cute girl you knew at school from years ago but were too shy to approach back in the day.

Focusing on what you can give is a huge start in unleashing your true potential, which in turn may put you in the right place to meet the right one, or reveal him because he was always there under your nose.

On a completely different subject, I’m sorry but I have to point out that your response of filling your mouth with triple cream on the cracker was just another kind of self-limiting snap judgment, and not that much different from the brunette who wanted the perfect guy ready to have kids a year later, or Mr. bow tie himself.

If you think he cherished his girlfriend’s waistline, you couldn’t be further from the truth, even if you only missed the target by eight to ten inches.

Seriously, though, without knowing both people well, how could anyone possibly know the dynamics of their relationship?

One of the premises of your article was your surprise that men feel the same pain in searching for love as women.

Now think about what the guy said. He was capable of having some honest communication with his ex. He listened to her feelings, admitted to you that she was might have been right, and then made an honest self observation about his expectations. How many men or women are even capable of that level of openness or introspection?

If a man shows those kinds of abilities, you have no idea what kind of depth he has, or how he might grow over time. Just know that there a lot of men who won’t commit in a relationship unless you can turn them on with your mind and your heart, as well as your body.