If it’s a true existential crisis, you definitely won’t figure it out. None of us do. But I like your determination to keep writing. I’ve addressed your questions in that simpler time when Medium was only about little green hearts, and tried to help fellow writers who have the same concerns. Needless to say, you wont find the answers here, but you may chuckle a couple of times.
As with so many things life is like a circle. While you ponder the sound of one finger clapping, I meditated over the sound of one hand typing:
To write or not to write… that is the question
A philosophical discussion of internal vs external validation
BTW, based on your profile comment, we share the love of Buddhist enlightenment. Chop/carry on, dude.