Thanks for a hilarious column. You hit all the right points except for one…
12. The End of the Clippers Curse
By moving to Seattle and reclaiming the Sonics name, fans and heritage, Ballmer finally ends the Clippers curse, leading to the kind of scenario we would normally expect from the Lakers or Celtics:
- Blake Griffin stays healthy, while playing at an undervalued contract.
- Greg Monroe fails his physical, leaving Jordan as the Sonics’ center.
- Sindarius Thornwell turns into the next Klay Thompson and Jawun Evans quickly graduates from “mini CP3” to “the next CP3” and become the Clippers starting guards, allowing the Sonics to dump Austin Rivers and JJ Redick for draft pickes and more cap space.
- Players connected with Washington clamor to join the Sonics. Isaiah Thomas, unhappy with Ainge and Fultz, leaves Boston, takes a huge pay cut, and becomes 6th Man of the Year for the new Sonics.
- The next year, Chicago gives up on Zach Levine, Avery Bradley jumps ship, and Dejounte Murray shows some personality (resulting in his immediate waiver by the Spurs). The Sonics now have the best bench in the NBA, allowing West to do his magic…
- Kevin Durant returns to his first team and leads Seattle to the promised land.