The Reviews are in: This Greatest Hits Compilation Should be in Everyone’s Christmas Stocking!

You didn’t know Christmas shopping season started BEFORE Halloween, did you?

DISCLAIMER: This commercial is really a satirical commentary about commercials while not-so-cleverly concealing a commercial about finding happiness through a commercial-free life and listening to music that is still, at its core, a product that artists commercialize.

I hope this clarifies any questions you may have.

Folks, in stressful times like these, what’s the one source of peace and tranquility left to us?

It’s music, of course!

And that’s why I always say “gotta to give the people what they want,” when it comes to bringing the world of music to this dreary writing platform that shall remain nameless.

Think about it.

Not only is your social media feed garbage, but all you see are serious/depressing/boring/tedious “feature” articles that make Chinese water torture seem like a pleasant diversion. (At least the water is moisturizing, right?)

How about a dose of social media sanity, with this classic song turned against the very thing that is ruining our lives?

Just look to the reviews:

“BRILLIANT!”

“Excellent!”

“Thank you for yelping me to have a fun Sunday!”

“Weird Al should beg for permission to use your work.”

That’s why you should run out and pick up your copy of “Yelp!,” the Beatles’ song parody, today.

But wait, there’s more.

It’s absolutely FREE!

You can listen to great music and laugh at funny lyrics any time you want.

And it doesn’t cost you anything you haven’t already paid for!!

Why the hell is everyone complaining?

The reasons are painfully clear.

People need hope and come to this site for friendship and good storytelling.

This supposedly ad-free zone inundates us with commercial posts about how to make more money if only we would write every day about popular subjects that have all the substance of the air around the donut’s hole — not to be confused with an actual donut hole — instead of what we feel in our hearts.

We are buffeted from all sides of this virtual literary buffet by an inscrutable, illogical, gaslighting algorithm that may have feelings.

I don’t know which possibility is scarier.

Are you thinking like an artist or just like some cog in a corporate writing machine?

How about breaking free of all the bullshit with this hard-rocking classic about trusting the magic in your creative world?

The critics have decided, and they’re shouting, “Right On!”

“I love it…”

“LOVE THIS POST.”

“You’re the Boss, Lon!”

That’s why you should run out and pick up your copy of “Born to Write” the Bruce Springsteen song parody today…

Click today and get two reads for the price of one!

And the first one is absolutely FREE!

Why Do We Listen to Salesmen and Ignore Scientists?

We have the means to access the greatest writers in the world.

Instead, we passively read “content,” like those countless, self-contradicting articles about goals.

In that long-winded and winding road of motivational speechifying, you won’t find one quote or mention of Einstein. And yet we are coaxed to subscribe, read books, take online courses, and train with people whose only real skill or claim to fame is selling.

It takes a special kind of narcissist to pass off their snake oil for ssssale as wisdom.

You need to escape the hamster cage and discover your true inner being.

Isn’t it time to fight back by listening to an entire album of classic rock parodies that skewers incompetence in politics, tech, business, and sports?

Well, the reviews say, “we did it and you can, too!”

“Great stuff, Lon!”

“I always appreciate song parodies that aren’t just funny, but where work has obviously been put in on the rhymes and flow.”

“…clap, laugh, and read!”

“If I win the lottery and get to restart my 2017 version of Mad Magazine, I will hire you to do the ‘sung to the tune of’ humor section.”

That’s why you should turn on, tune in, and drop out with your copy of “Music Mash-Ups” the Weird “L” greatest hits album, today…

If I could tell you only ONE WORD, it would be this:

FREE! FREE! FREE!

Check out the song tracks listing:

Goodbye Sucker — a parody of Super Tramp and the bloated Cheeto Jesus.

Dreck for Shekles — a parody of Dire Straits and content bloggers.

Lakers on a Prayer, You Give Hoops a Bad Name, and It’s My Dime— because there can’t be enough parodies of Bon Jovi and the Lakers

One final message…

I object to self-help writers who ignore scientific literature, speak in generalities, and try to sell their own branded version of “The Secret.”

I’m sorry, but the “Law of Attraction” doesn’t get a seat at the same dinner table with evolution, gravity, and relativity.

It doesn’t even get to order at the drive-thru of rational thought.

But I have to say nothing ATTRACTS me more than

FREE BONUS TRACKS!

And bonus reviews!

“Awesomeness!!!”

“Love this. Now it is an earworm.”

“Nicely Done!”

“Excellent.”

“Thank You.”

“This is great!”

“Thanks for this musical cliff notes. Now I can skip watching the show and stick to rewatching Buffy.”

A parody of Even the Losers, by Tom Petty & the Heartbreakers:

A parody of Game of Thrones:

A parody of I’ll Never Love Again, by Lady Gaga:

Two parodies from the Police:

A parody of Urgent, by Foreigner:

And a parody of Livin’ in a Gangsta’s Paradise by Coolio:

The critics have spoken, and the word is love.

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Written by

Ad agency creative director, writer & designer at https://guttmanshapiro.com. Former pro tennis player and peak performance coach for professional athletes.

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