There’s an old saying, that women get to choose between being a mom and having a career, but the only choice men have is to go to work or prison. So I totally get where you’re coming from. You might want to protect her, but if someday your daughter‘s good enough to play on the boys’ soccer team, for example, I’m guessing you’d be willing to break a few heads if some idiot parents or coaches stopped her from following her dreams.
It sounds like you’re under some serious pressure in the Silicon Valley. Engineers can be put under impossible work conditions, and sometimes be forced to compromise their principles to devastating effect (just look at what happened with those Firestone engineers).
I also met a guy whose father was a lead engineer for one of the companies that helped build the space shuttle. NASA wanted to save money but he refused to go along with their request to design the O-rings that caused the Challenger explosion. His company lost the contract, but some other engineers agreed to do it and they’re living with the guilt of being partially responsible for the deaths of all those on board.